Julia

Julia tried to commit suicide again today. Julia is the person who holds the title of the person who has made me feel worse about myself than anyone else ever has. Maybe that's not such a hard task when you're 12 years old, but still. It took me years and years of her fights and tears and apologies and depression and eating disorders and terrible relationships with everyone to realize that she will never change, never get better. And yet when I got that call today, it was still terrible to picture her flat on her back, unconscious with a ventilator and liver damage. As Brittany said about old friends on her blog the other day, "Thank them, curse them, feel indifferent towards them, but realize that you will forever carry a piece of them with you. "